Ms.Adventures

Notes: 2 / 1 month ago

the installation
of our thoughts
into dialogue
can be so
difficult
and I,
find it even more so -
the very notion of exchange
beyond what is felt
in the movements
of symmetry
between our
bodies
is something I don’t want to fathom
when there is so much chemistry
in the very energy
of our beings.

Notes: 55 / 1 month ago from wecouldrun

So Billy got kicked down a van (fofree) and we’re leaving Fresno soon up north then heading east. Mic gave us a dreamcatcher for the van and is traveling with us for a bit, we’re also taking anothertwo kids outta Fresno and rescuing two more kids who lost their car. It’s going to be a tight squeeze and prolly even more interesting.

(Source: wecouldrun)

Notes: 2 / 1 month ago

Next book I’m reading : Adventures in Consciousness.

Other than that… I’ve been doing a lot of maturing, understanding that I also have a balance that needs to be filled. Admitting my faults and learning to work with my deficiency as if it was all planned out. Those outstanding characters that I aspire to shadow weren’t perfection but whole - of themselves they knew every nook and cranny and thus knew how to manuever it like a captain.

I saw Tara, things sure have changed. I’ve had two moments that have shook my world, it was like knowing who I was. And the universe gave me the reading I was looking for. Almost had another near-death experience and still searching for my … and what it is I have no name for anymore… but. It feels good to be on this journey.

Thank you.

Notes: 3 / 2 months ago

I would just like to say.
That the world is making me play,
at things that make me turn,
and question what I’ve learned.

Sometimes I can’t seem to recall that I too have my biases and learned experiences. That there is something outside of me that I can never fathom, and that to love you truly and honestly… I too need to make mistakes, accept and embrace - that all your faults and demons … as ugly as they may seem, mean nothing in face of honesty, loving me as hard as can be.

Thank you, in ways I can’t explain. Thank you, even if we break, I just wish I could describe to you, how you seem to me.

2 months ago

Headed out to Phoenix in an RV with the guys who’ve been letting us camp out in their backyard - eventually we should be getting back to cali where I can see my friends.

I have a lot to contemplate, and some decisions to make - like if I want to leave california again, and stay with billy, or attempt to do something different. Things have been better between us since that one day when I was scared of him but that doesn’t erase what happens and my emotions are still hesitant although there’s been more stability.

But what happens when we’re not so stable again? But i do like him .

Notes: 2 / 3 months ago

Running around
like we have something
to say,
but nothing is slipping
only the liturgy of
running,
a stampede
of competing,
we’re all just shouting,
over
and over
the cacophony
of society -
where are all the voices going
lost in the ceiling,
s pe c k led emotions
creating confusion.

Notes: 1 / 3 months ago

So the guy who is letting us live at his place has been very nice, and tonight he’s taking us to a house rave, so I get to dance :)

I’m going to shower and actually put on make-up and I feel like it will be a good day. Oh yes, and we will be trippin apparently… oh gosh. But yay!

DANCING!!!

Also. They smoke a lot of weed here. I can’t handle it (get so tired).

Notes: 4 / 3 months ago

The thing about strangers…

… is that you never really know who they are.

Me and billy got picked up by two individuals while in Alberquerque, and well we’ve run into a lot of good people on the way. There’s a definite reason I like the road so much but these people.

They really freaked me out, smoked speed in the bathroom the last night - tried to sleep with billy while I was gone (I think they might’ve wanted to involve me but I was clear in the fact that I don’t cheat - or run away [the girl was trying to get me to run off with her while they were away for a bit]) and then dropped us off in a really bad spot where we thought we’d be stuck for … a long time.

Hitchhiking out of Santa Fe we waited a day and a half before getting picked up by a dog lover - then somebody with a uHaul truck, then an awesome old man who also loved dogs - and then these people.

It was. Well let’s just say it’s an experience, and I’m glad billy said no to sleeping with the girl while they guy… watched? I don’t know, but he was freaked out and told me the next day when i told him about her asking me tons of questions, freaking out, and the whole weirdness.

Luckily some guy picked us up the truck stop not 10 minutes later - he had promised himself that he would pick up the next hitchhikers no matter what, just had a feeling and had seen two already. He was just beginning to get spiritual and we had the most amazing talk.

So much better than riding in the back of the truck of two people who are scam artists, pervs, and possibly more. But hey, I guess I don’t really know them, I’m just glad we’re not near them.

Now we’re in Tucson, and things are warmer - better - and i feel closer to Billy. I guess it’s the hard times that really show you some things.

Notes: 4 / 3 months ago

There are days,
everything blurs -
nothing outside
in your mind
nothing exists,
it’s all just grey
it’s all just
it’s…

and
in your mind
the silence shatters -
echoes -
makes you tremble -
with it’s power.

in your mind
there is nothing
but a roaring
there is nothing
but
in your mind

in your mind
you swear you hear crying.

Notes: 11 / 3 months ago

That was my ultrasound, that was my baby.

I got the abortion yesterday, a Rabbi paid for it. Apparently the tissue was degenerating, so the baby was going to be spontaneously aborted or I would’ve had a miscarriage naturally anyways.

I’m glad, it makes me think that this baby really wasn’t meant to be, and that when I’m ready my child will come back and I can actually be the mother they should have instead of a homeless child myself instead. I had asked the Universe for guidance and if I should’ve kept it so I’ll just take this as my sign that it was okay.

I’m thankful for this experience, it showed me a lot of things, and made me think about things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I feel like my life has kind of made a shift and that I am again heading towards a new direction, more towards where I direct it and more in preparation for what I know I eventually want: a family.

Regardless, I need to be more responsible. With myself and with my choices, with my life and with my intentions.

Thanks for the memories, the triumphs and depression, the uncertainty and tears, relief and gratitude. I can’t wait for you to come back to me - and I hope you do. That was my baby and mine to be hopefully.

The thing about strangers…

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